The Gang Reads Fanfiction
by TheSwarklesLover
Summary: The title is pretty self-explanatory, Ted comes upon a strange site, and finds stories about him and the gang, and other people in his life as well. How will everyone react to the stories. Give this a try, I think it'll get a laugh out of you!
1. A Strange and Creepy Discovery

This is just a parody thing I saw on a Harry Potter fic. So basically, characters come upon the site and discover fanfic about them. This is for comedic purposes, and I really don't mind anyone who likes a ship, it is just a character's reaction to the story. I'd like to point out, I don't use real stories.

* * *

It was another day off, which meant another day of doing nothing. Ted found himself sitting back on a couch, drinking beer. 'This is the life', he thought to himself as he looked down into the half empty bottle. He scanned the room, and saw his laptop sitting on his desk, maybe the internet had something to offer? Perhaps he should go watch that Sci-Fi movie, but first buy some tickets. He proceeded toward his laptop, went on to google an began to type in "Fandango". Ted noticed Fandango had already shown up as a suggested search after typing in 'Fan', and clicked on it. Huh? Fanfiction? Had he accidentally clicked on the wrong search? Most likely. Actually.. this site sounded interesting, just a peek. then back to movie tickets. Curiously, Ted clicked on the link. Wow, this was a weirdly laid out site. What the hell did this all mean, movies, TV, BOOKS? What is all of this? Ted randomly decided to click a category, TV. Top 200? What are all these shows. he recognized some shows like 'Glee', what were there so many stories on here about? Maybe this was some type of forum website where people discussed episodes? Ted's then jumped with excitement as he looked from 'Woodworthy Manor'. He went to the search bar, and clicked the 'W'. Unfortunately, he found none. Defeated, he decided to click on 'Just in'. Random stories popped up, what was this all about? He scrolled down, and froze. had he just seen his name somewhere? Impossible.

Ted scrolled back up a little, nope it was his name. Well, that probably meant nothing, it's a big world. there are probably countless Ted Mosby's out there. Right? He looked at the category he was under, 'How I Met Your Mother'. Weird title. he clicked on it to see if there were any more 'Ted Mosby stories. As the stories began to fill the page, Ted's jaw dropped to the ground. All his friends' names were there, Robin, Barney, Marshall ,and Lily. That wasn't the scary part, the stories had cover photos... of them. This was a creepy invasion of privacy, surely Ted could get Marshall in on this, try and sue this creepy site. Ted began to feel a little scared now. Perhaps he should read one of these stories first to see what they'd be like, maybe they weren't bad?

After scrolling through an endless amount of titles, Ted looking picked a romantic one (being the hopeless romantic he is). This one had no cover photo. Seems safe enough. He read the title: 'Be Mine, Forever'. Ted couldn't help but smile at the title, it sounded cute. Summary, there was a summary? Ted began to read it.

By: NPHLOVER4LYFE

Who was that, Ted wondered.

Summary: This is just a cute little one-shot I thought of-

'One shot?' Ted thought. What the hell is that? He proceeded to read.

anyways. it's just a little fluff-

What? Is this author implying the story has a texture/feel to it? What does 'fluff' mean? This seems like a creepy website, using strange words and all.

I might turn this into a drabble series, since this story is a drabble-

Okay, he'd officially had it with the words on this site. Ted knew a lot of intelligent vocabulary, but he'd never head these words in his life. He continued reading.

Enjoy!

Ted laid on the bed, watching the love of his life sleep.

Love of his life? Not too sound like a whiny-ass, but he had none.

Ted giggled at how cute he looked.

Had Ted just read that right? HE? The last time Ted checked, he was very straight. Probably a typo.

Ted leaned in and kissed him on the forehead, hoping to wake him.

Him... maybe it wasn't a typo. Ted shook a little, feeling uncomfortable, hoping this story wasn't about him.

They'd had a wild night last night (dat means they had sex).

How old was this author, five?

He giggled and began to emerge from sleep. His blue eyes bet his brown eyes.

"Morning, "Barney-boo," Ted whispered softly. "Sleep well?"

After reading that line, Ted spewed out his beer, spraying the monitor a bit. Him and.. BARNEY?! Maybe this was about him.. and his life. Ted looked about ready to throw up. He took a few deep breaths and continued.

Barney giggled. "You know I did." he winked.

No. No. No. No. NO! The odds of Barney Stinson sleeping with him were like the same odds of him finding the one. 1/100000000000000000000... (some number with a lot of zeroes). Ted literally had to go to the bathroom to throw up. It's not like he had a problem with gay dudes or anything, just the very thought of him and Barney made him go 'Ew.'

"I can't wait too get married Barney Bear." he sighed, rubbing his bare chest.

Ted put his hand on top of his mouth, keeping the vomit in.

"I love you."  
"I love you too."  
Then they made love again.

It's over. Why did Ted bother reading through that? He scrolled down, hoping there was no more. No more, but the author did leave an ending note.

AN: Aw, I hope you guys enjoyed that! 'Barned' is my OTP. I really do hope they end up together. There's an undeniable amount of chemistry between Josh and Neil, both on and off screen-

Neil... Josh? Who?

Anyways, I hope you loved that story!

Ted shook his head. He most definitely did not like that story. He finished reading the last sentence.

Please leave reviews, and suggestions if you want more Barned from me!

NO! NO MORE! Also, what the hell was Barned? A morphing of their two names? Curiously, Ted looked at reviews to see what people thought of this crap.

Guest: AWWW THAT WAS SO ADORIBLE. I LUV THOSE TOO!

No, it was not adorable, and the proper use of the word is 'two'.

CullenLoverxoxoxox: I love those two together, maybe you could right some Femlash? ;)

Actually, The proper spelling of the word is 'write'. Also, what the hell was femlash?

69LilyAldrinShouldDie69-

The name caught Ted slightly off guard, and freaked out a little.

:I'd like to see a story where you brutally murder Lily. Hate that bich.

Who was this psycho? Lily is a good and nice friend! Also, the correct spelling is- aw, screw it. People seemed so dumb on this site, why even try?

SwarklingAllDayLong: I luved that sooooo much. You should do Swarkles fluff!

What in the hell was Swarkles? This site was weird... and creepy. He needed to get Marshall in on this. Ted reached for his phone on the table and called him.

"Hey Marshall..."

"Ted, you sound scared, what's wrong...?"

"Just come over."

"Okay?" Marshall said slightly confused. "Why?"

"Just come over." Ted pressed.

"I'll be right there."

Ted looked horrified at the screen, what would everyone make of this?

* * *

So what did people think of this idea? yay or nay? As I mentioned, I saw something like this on a Harry Potter fic, and I attempted one. I thought this one was pretty funny, and I'm pretty proud of it. I used Tedxbarney, cause there's quite a few fics about them. I'm not including any sort of dark topics that some stories have. Oh, just to be clear, this is obviously set before Ted met Tracy. I find it funnier that way in the sense Ted is single.


	2. Mpreg and evil bitch

I couldn't resist writing another chapter. RSparkles asked for them to read Femlash, I want to wait until the whole gang is there to read that, Barney being a perv, Lily being weirdly turned on, and Robin getting scared of how turned on Lily is would be hilarious in my opinion. I'll hold that idea until we get all the gang reading. This topic... is unusual to me. It is not frequent in the HIMYM fandom. but it's a very popular element in fanfic.

* * *

"Ted, you called, you sounded panicked!" Marshall called out, as Ted opened the door.

"I am." Ted sounded about ready to cry.

"Dude, you're sweating like crazy. What the hell happened?" Marshall asked with concern in his voice.

"That." Ted pointed at the gray laptop sat down on the couch.

"Your laptop?" Marshall was confused.

"No, it's what's on the laptop," Ted explained. "There are stories... about us."

"I... don't follow." Marshall was dumbfounded as to what he was trying to say.

"Come here," Ted said, guiding him to the laptop. "This website."

Marshall analyzed the page for a second. "Wait... are those... our names... and pictures?"

"Yes." Ted slowly nodded.

"That's really creepy." Marshall commented.

"That's all? Can't we try and sue them?"

"Maybe, but it'd be hard. Taking a look at it, there are thousands of users on this site, it'd be hard for us to win a case like that."

"Ugh." Ted groaned.

"So, what kind of stories are these people writing?" Marshall asked.

Ted stared at him, not knowing how to answer.

"Ted?"

"Um... okay, it was.."

"It was what, Ted?"

"Some sicko wrote about me and Barney... together... in bed..."

"Ted, come on! You take me out of Tuxedo night, can't you at least invite me to these slumber parties?!" Marshall was clueless.

"No Marshall, I mean, 'in bed'." Ted hinted.

"Oh... OH! EW, GOD! WHY DID YOU PUT THAT DISGUSTING IMAGE IN MY HEAD?"

" I KNOW RIGHT?"

"I want to see more stories." Marshall said solemnly.

"No, dude you can-"

"I WANT TO READ THEM!" Marshall yelled.

"Okay! Jeez! But you pick!"

"I most certainly will pick a story," Marshall nodded. "The Bitch Dies".

"Excuse me?" Ted asked.

"No, 'The Bitch Dies', that's the story name."

"You want to read that?"

"Yes, I actually do."

"Okay, go ahead, but I'm warning you, this site is just lurking with freaky shit."

Marshall laughed a little.

"What?" Ted asked.

"Never have I heard you say 'freaky shit'," Marshall responded. "Anyways, let us have a look at this story, shall we?"

"I guess..." Ted said, trembling with fear.

Marshall clicked on the story.

'The Bitch Dies' by LilyAldrinIsAnEvilBitch666-

"SHE IS NOT!" Marshall screamed, spraying the screen with his spit.

"These people sure hate Lily." Ted commented.

"What do you mean?" Marshall asked.

"Nevermind." Ted said.

Marshall returned to the story.

Summary: Two characters are in love, but another character gets in the way-

"This sounds so cliche already." Ted laughed.

"Sure does." Marshall scoffed. He continued reading.

But, something happens that force the two to come together. Will they face their obstacles, or crash? I know this summary sux, but it's better than it sounds.

"I can't believe this person spelled 'sucks' S-U-X." Marshall said.

"There are a LOT of idiots roaming on this site. Trust me."

"It seems so." Marshall laughed before returning to read.

"WHERE IS MEE FOOD, THOU BASTARD!" The red whore screamed.

"I'm sorry, Lily! The pancakes aren't quite ready yet.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME, SCOUNDREL?!"

"SORRY, I mean my beautiful angel queen!" Marshall whimpered.

Marshall looked up from the screen. "This is not what goes on at home. Like at all." He continued reading, not wanting to stop. He'd gotten the idea that all this writer wrote would be stupid.

"HURRY UP BASTERD!" The syco bitch hore piece of fucking shit screamed.

"I am, my princess!" He then finished reely quikly because Marshell was scared the bitch would kill him like she had once killed her best bruther named Marcus forr noth polishing the whore bitches shoes like she said except Marvicus did polish her shoes write its just that Lilie is such a stupid fucking ass horse face.

Ted had to stop to laugh. "Is that English... has his person heard of commas?"

"Hard to tell. I was thinking it was some form of German. Also, why did my brother's name go from Marcus to Marvicus?"

"Don't question the ways of the site, it has a mind of its own, or rather contains the minds of idiots." Ted joked.

"Yeah," Marshall agreed before reading once again.

"Your pancaks are redy my dear!" He said cutely.

Lillie grabbed the cakes of pan from his hand and gnawed on it. "DESE DONT HAVE ENOUGH LARD!" The fat whore screamed, she was 1000000 pounds.

"i didn't use lard, i WAS concerned for ur helth my dear."

"MY HELTH? I AM FUCKING FINE! U SEEN MY BODY? EVERY DAY, U WISH TO FUCK ME BUT U KNOW ITS NEVER HAPPENING. NOW GO. OFF FOR THE DAY, UR NOT EEAZY ON THE EYES."

Marshall walked out. He hated that hore, but he had to stay safe from getting killed. From getting his bae killed. Marshelle-

"I swear my name has changed like 6 times in this story."

"Once again, don't question the site."

walked out of the castle. He found his beau waiting outside on the bridge for him.

"Beau...? That's a male..."

"Marshall did you forget what I said about Barney and I being paired up? Anything could happen."

"Ewww..." Marshall groaned at the thought.

He made his way to his lover, Ted-

"EW!" They both screamed in unison. To be safe they inched a little away from each other.

"How art thou your day of work today?"

"It waz terible. Da hore was so meen." he cried.

"Aw baby dont cry! Dont be thou art thou sad. I iz here, so is our babie."

Marshele smiled, and pat his luver's baby bump.

"WHAT THE-" Marshall screamed exasperated.

"I CAN'T-!"

Neither of them were able to get out sentences.

"MARSHALL SUE THEM! THIS IS DISGUSTING! STOP READING IT! STOP IT NOW!"

"I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS!" Marshall protested, and read, shakily.

"How you feeling honey? You coming along okay?"

"Ye, just sum cramps. Not as much pain as what that monster has caused u!"

Suddenly, a jester came runninmg out of da castle. "SHE DAED! SHE DEAD!"

"Who?" Tedothy asked politely.

"THE RED BITCH." She turned into a balloon and floted away and popped.

"Like Aunt Marge in Harry Potter?" Marshall asked.

"Technically, Aunt Marge didn't-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever Ted."

"HURRAY!" The two lovers cheered before feroshisly making out. Then out of a tree came thire friends Barnabus and Robinella, they were making out too!

"Uh oh." Teddy suddenly annonced.

"What!" Robinella asked.

"My water broke."

AN: Okay guyz, that was the end of chap 1. Tell me if you liked it in a review! I'll continue, I just luv leaving you in suspense.

Marshall scrolled down. "Ted, this has two chapters."

"Wait, you're not suggesting we should keep reading..."

"I am."

* * *

So... should they keep reading, or move on? Tell me in a review. This story comes from my really weird and creepy sense of humor, so feel free to move on if you're already uncomfortable, I am bound to write weird things.


	3. Mpreg 2

Is anyone... still here? I know there weren't many people who even read this story, but I hope some of you are still interested. I really don't have any explanation, other than the fact I was in Asia for the entire summer with no Wi-fi, and completely forgot about the story. In took me until January to actually update it. :/ Sorry. I want to write again, and I'll try getting my other stories done. I also took the suggestion to bold lines in the story they read, thanks to the helpful reviewer.

* * *

Mpreg part 2

"Marshall, I'm too scared to read." Ted whimpered.

"It - intrigued me." Marshall said.

"What is intriguing about me giving birth?!" Ted asked disgustedly.

"Maybe intriguing isn't the right word. Ted, we have to navigate this site, it's making me suspicious." Marshall commented.

"Ugh, fine, but I'm not reading it out loud!" Ted gave in.

Okay, here we go.

**The Labor CHAPTER 2**

Ted shuddered at the idea of him giving birth.

**"I need to get to the hospital!" Theodore cried.**

**"I no Sweetie, we're almost there." Marshall said, rubbing his sweetheard's face.**

**"This is why you don't have kids" Robin said.**

**"Ya, kids suk" Barney snorted**

"They've got Barney and Robin pretty in character." Marshall joked.

"Yeah." Ted laughed.

**They were almost at the hospital. On the way there, they ran over Lily and everyone laughed.**

Marshall briefly paused to face palm.

"Isn't Lily already dead?" Ted asked.

"Nothing makes sense in this weird virtual world, Ted." Marshall shook his head.

**Finally they were all at the hospital. The Doctor. John Stangel**

"Wait, isn't that the fertility expert you went to? Barney's doppleganger?" Ted asked.

"This story just keeps getting creepier and creepier. How much do they know about our personal lives?" Marshall questioned.

**ordered Ted to push. The doctor ordered Ted to spread his legs out.**

"Wait... where am I exactly pushing the baby out of?"

"Oh... god." Marshall said, horrified.

"Where, wha- " Ted spit his beer out at realization.

"Hey buddy, why don't we skip this little section, just this one time." Marshall requested.

"No objections at all." Ted replied.

Marshall easily found a more bearable section to read, all he had to do was find the section where there weren't a million of the word 'push'.

**"It's a boy." the doctor exclaimed.**

**He handed the baby to Ted and Marshell. **

**"He's beautiful." Ted sighed.**

**"What do we name him?"**

**"Hurricane Luke Eriksen-Mosby." Marshall commented hapily.**

**"I love it" smiled Ted.**

**And that was da end.**

**AN: HEY GUYS, I HOPE U Liked that story a lot. It's done. I have always shipped them. Always will. Ugh, I hate Lily, that bich.**

"That was surely a heap of garbage, no?" Ted joked.

"It indeed was."

"Well, I'm done with this, I've had my dose of this web-

"Oh no, Ted Mosby. You're not going ANYWHERE." Marshall said as he pulled out his phone to call their other friends.

* * *

That was pretty short, but I'm posting double chapters! Man, I forgot how fun this story was I hope people are still reading this. :/


	4. Femlash?

Here's chapter three, as promised, double chapter post! Now the whole gang is involved. I'm trying the hardest I can to get get everyone in character. And to be clear, I don't have a problem with people who write slash, but if two dude friends read slash about them, realistically they'd be creeped out.

* * *

There were several knocks at the door. Marshall ran to open it.

"Marshall, what is so important that we had to come here right away? Robin and I were about to-

"Play the bagpipes." Robin finished curtly.

"Sweetie, I'm getting texts here saying that Ted is dying. I got here as fast I could, only to see, Ted obviously is not dying." Lily gestured towards a petrified Ted on the couch.

"Oh, yes I am, Lily. I am dying inside." Ted cried.

"What's with him?" Robin puzzled.

"Why don't you come take a look?" Marshall gestured them to the laptop sitting on the coffee table.

"Ooooh, Marshall's showing us porn!" Barney giggled.

Robin proceeded to punch Barney hard on the arm.

"Marshall, what is this?" Lily asked.

"That's what we can't figure out. To put it briefly, we've found this website called . It seems as though there are categories, and there seems to be stories about us under a category called 'How I Met Your Mother'." Marshall explained.

"So, are there any... dirty stories?" Barney laughed.

Robin sent him a death glare.

"Actually, I think there are." Ted responded, disgusted.

"Dirty stories with us?! Sweet!" Barney cheered.

"Not the kind of stories you'd like. Barney, I read a story about you and me, suggestively... um - getting it on." Ted warned.

With that, Barney's smile turned into a frown.

"What else is... there?" Barney was terrified.

"We're trying to find out, now guys, one of you pick a story."

"Not it!" Robin, Lily, and Ted yelled out at the same time.

"Ugh." Barney rolled his eyes as he took a seat on the couch.

"Don't pick anything with me in it, Barney, please." Ted whimpered, hiding his face behind a pillow.

"Done." Barney said with a huge grin on his face.

"You could not have possibly found a good story." Marshall said doubtfully.

"Maybe I did." Barney grinned before reading the summary.

**Lily and Robin have been best friends. Have they ever wanted something more though?**

All except Lily and Barney groaned.

"I don't know Robin- sounds sexy. Maybe we could like even replicate it or whatever. Just kidding, totally kidding. That would be so stupid. SO stupid." Lily laughed in a high pitched voice.

**By:CobiexoxoAlysonxoxo**

"Interesting... username." Robin commented.

"Oh, they're all like that."

"GET ON WITH THE STORY!" Lily yelled out impatiently6

**Summary: This is just a short storie so plz enjoy. Set in 2006**

**It was a normal day at MacLarens. It was just Robin and Lily having a girls night out.**

**The two eyed each other dramaticelly.**

**"Robin, I hate life. I hate Marshall." Lily sawed. **

"Lily does not hate me!" Marshall said defensively.

"Of course I don't honey. Maybe it's just the story where I get to do things with Robin, in that case is totally excusable..." Lily trailed off.

"What?" Robin turned to Lily.

"Nothing." Lily shook her head.

**"Me too. I hate life with Ted."**

"Ted and I... aren't together though." Robin was confused.

"I guess in this site, it knows all about our personal lives, as I've figured out. It also says 'set in 2006' which matches with when you were with Ted." Marshall explained.

**"Robin... I love you!" Lily screamed.**

**"ME too! Robin agreed.**

**Lily grabbed Robins hand and winked. She took her into the closet. They were about to have the ride of a lifetime.**

**End of chap 1.**

"That's it?!" Barney and Lily screamed.

Marshall checked for more chapters, none.

"Well good. Why don't we go down to the bar for some drinks now?" Robin suggested.

"I'd rather stay here and navigate this website." Lily said.

"All in favor of reading stories, raise your hand." Marshall announced.

Three hands went up, Marshall, Lily and Barney. Ted and Robin had been outnumbered.

The two groaned in disappointment. "Well who's reading next?"

"Not it!" everyone except Robin yelled.

"Damnit!" Robin groaned.

Robin then reluctantly sat herself down and looked for a story, hoping to find something decent.

* * *

That was the double chapter as promised. Please leave suggestions in reviews for what you want to see next.


	5. AU and Vampires

Yay, people ARE reading this story after all! I took the suggestion to do something other than slash. This is a AU chapter with high school vampires, yes this is a bit of a mockery to Twilight, but my intent is not to offend anyone who does enjoy the saga, and it doesn't follow the same plot or anything.

* * *

"Robin, _please_ pick something good!" Ted pleaded.

"It's hard to, so many look like they're garbage." Robin squinted, scrolling through titles.

"Pick something dirty." Barney snorted.

"How about, no?" Robin responded curtly.

"Fine." Barney whined as he crossed his arms and slouched into the couch.

"Okay, I'm just picking a random one. Here, this one's called _In the Beginning_ by BarneyStinsonisasexybeast."

Barney couldn't help but smile at the title. "Did you write this Robin?"

She simply rolled her eyes and went back to reading the summary.

**Summary: We all know them as the five best friends living in NYC, but they all met somewhere else once before. Leading... very different lives. This is an AU fic, of corse.**

"This actually is intriguing, but I don't know what AU means." Lily commented.

**My name is Robin Scherbatsky. I am new to Mystical Enchanted Willow High Skool.**

"Mystical Enchanted Willow? That sounds like more of a stripper name than a high school. And, why am I narrating this?!" Robin grunted.

**I had to hide my seceret. No one could no I was a... VAMPIRE! I walked inside, so many people. I could smell blood on everyone. No, must resist temptation. I went to the homeroom I was assigned to, Mr. Saltzman. I was sitting alone when suddenly a group of 3 friends came and sat next to me. One of the girls had red hair with pale skin, the other was some really tall dude who was holding her hand****the other dude was like a really hot blonde, and I saw him wink at me.**

**"So what's your name" the red head asked me. **

**"Robin. Robin Scherbatsky." I nodded.**

**"Well nice to meet you Robin. I'm Willow Rosenberg, but everyone calls me Lily." she smiled.**

"How do you get Lily from Willow?" Ted laughed.

**Then the taller brown haired guy said to me, "Hi, I'm Marshall Lee."**

**The blonde sexy vampire took my hand and kissed it. "The name's Spike, but everyone calls me Barney."**

"As if Willow to Lily wasn't ridiculous enough. Now we have Spike to Barney." Lily pointed out.

"Eh, I'm not complaining." Barney smirked.

**"We know what you are, Robin." Lily said.**

**"What does that mean?" I laughed nervously. **

**Then, Marshalls voice got like really hushed and stuff. "Your a vampire."  
**

Ted slightly cringed at the wrong use of the word 'your'.**  
**

**I gasped. I could not believe it.**

**"Want to go outside with us?" Barney said.**

**"I have class." I said**

**"No we skip evreyday." Lily said**

**"We can talk about vampire stuff" Marshell Lee suggested.**

**"Okay" I agred. **

**We went outside by a willow tree in the courtyard. **

**"We know how hard it is to keep the secret." Lily said. **

**"It's nice to have a new person in our groupe" Marshell lee smiled.**

**"Your hot" Barney said.**

"Barney's actually really in character right now." Ted joked.

**"Oh, uh thank you" I blushed.**

**"We should get back inside now." Lily suggested.**

"Wait weren't they, excuse me _we_, outside for like two seconds?" Lily asked.

"Don't question the weird ways of the site." Ted responded.

**Marshell and Lily were going back inside but me and Barney stood outside. **

**"You know, I think ur hot too" I flirted.**

**"You wanna know what I do for fun Robin?" he leened in closer.**

"Yes!" Barney rubbed his hands together.

"Why are you enjoying this? If anything, this is a mockery to our sexy vibe. This crap isn't even remotely sexy, it's cliched and cheesy."

"We really do have a sexy vibe, don't we?"

"You know it!" Robin declared as the two put their hands in for a high five.

Robin then returned back to the screen to read.

**"What?" I axed.**

**"I... eat people" he whispered sexily into my ear.**

**"I dont know, I only drink blood from animals." I sayed shyly. **

**"Marshell and Lily dont know I do this. But in fact humen blood is the best."**

**"We can have all the fun we want, but first..." Barney winked.**

**Then we had sex on tree.**

**End of chap 1**

"Wait, so within my first 10 minutes of school, I've already slept with a guy?" Robin scoffed.

**Anyways, I hope you guys ejoyed that! Next chap should be up soon. **

"How many chapters even are there?" Lily asked.

"Let's see," Robin paused to scroll through chapters. "62."

"What the damn hell? This person put in 62 chapters worth of garbage onto the site?" Marshall groaned.

"Well, to be fair, that was actually a pretty good story compared to... other things we've read." Lily said.

"Hey... I wasn't in this story." Ted realized.

"Lucky you." Robin muttered.

The gang then sat in silence, not sure of what to do next.

Barney was the one to break the silence. "So shall we continue?"

* * *

So, yeah that was the vampire chapter, let me know in reviews if I should keep up with this's story. I dropped some Buffy and a small adventure time reference in there by the way! :p


	6. Vampires And a Farmer

You people are so lovely! Thank you for the reviews, it honestly means so much to know you guys like this, I thought it might have been too weird, but I guess you like it! :) On a bit of an unrelated note, I just saw Jenkins on the Ellen show, I totally forgot about her character.

* * *

"I say we keep reading," Marshall finally said. "This is the best story we've read so far, we might as well keep reading."

"He has a point, this story, despite its absurd plot, has decent grammar." Ted agreed.

"Decent? The spelling was horrible." Robin objected.

"Yeah, but decent has a different meaning on this site, we have to lower our standards." Ted explained.

"Ugh, fine, we'll read. Hey, since you're lucky enough to not be in the story, why don't you be the next one to read out loud?" Robin said.

"Wha - NO!" Ted cried.

"Why not!? It's only fair." Robin grunted angrily.

"Well, try being in a relationship with a pregnant male!" Ted protested.

"What does that even mean?" Robin questioned.

"Guys, stop your bickering, please!" Lily pleaded. "I'll read the next one."

The two seem satisfied and nodded to each other. Robin returned to the laptop and began reading.

**AN: Hey guys, thanks for liking the chapter, this is the next one so you better read it or whatever.**

**Chapter 2: Blood**

**Barney was guiding me through the woods and he was really silent. Whenever I tried asking him where we were going he always replied with, "You'll see." As we were walking down the narrow path, we see opening, and there's a light. We walk in there. I gassed loudly.**

All except Robin broke out in laughter at the typo.

"Did this person mean _gasped_ loudly?" Lily giggled.

**-He had so many containers of blood, it smelled sweet. It smelled exactly like the smell I had smelled in the hallways, fresh human blood. I was tempted to try it, to indulge in that beautiful taste I haven't had in years - NO. I can't I must resist. "Try some" Barny offered.**

**I shooketh my head. "No"**

**He picked up a glass bottle of it. "Here" he smiled sexishly. **

**Involuntarily, I picked it up and began drinking it. It was so... sweet. **

"This is getting freaky." Marshall commented.

**Before I knew it, I was all done. I felt a sense of power. **

**"Shallwth we returneth to the school?" Barnee asked.**

**We then returned to the skool. We were supposed to go to Chem lab, but we decided to blow it off and have sex in a tree.**

"Hey, Robin, remember that one time we did it in a tree?" Barney asked.

"Hell yes!" Robin exclaimed, connecting their hands together for a high five.

"You two are disgusting." Ted remarked.

"You tried making it with a goat." Barney remembered.

That shut him up.

Robin resumed back to reading.

**Then we went to go to lunch. There we saw Willow and Marshall and sat down with them.**

**"Where were you too?" Lily demanded.**

**"Uhhhhhhhh..." Barney was at a loss of words.**

**"You drank blood DIDNT YOU?" Marshall yelled.**

**"Okay okay I did! Whats so wrong!" I confesed.**

**"Because ... _he'_s here." Lilee said all quiet.**

**"Who is he?" My eyes widened.**

**"In the prophecy it says that the new girl who cums to town and drinks blood shall get murdered by him."**

"This is absurd." Ted pointed out.

"What kind of a prophecy is this anyways?!" Marshall questioned.

**And then suddenly... the lunch doors crashed open. The guy who broke them was a guy with dark hair and tannish skin and two buck teeth, and he was holding a pitchfork and wearing farmer clothes. "Ma name is Ted, I reckon there's a blood suckin' vampire here in these parts a town."**

The gang couldn't help it, they all burst out laughing at the idea of hillbilly Ted being an antagonist.

"This bad guy sounds really scary." Robin commented sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, totally his southern accent is just scaring the hell outta me." Barney guffawed.

"Why am I a hillbilly?!" Ted demanded.

**Then Ted turned around and pointed to Robin. "You the one I'm lookin' for?"**

**I shook my head.**

**He took his pitchfork an begun magicelly zapping people with it. "WHICH ONE A YOUZ ARE VAMPIRES!?" Ted screamed.**

**We saw a window to the side that Ted wasn't monitoring. Barney slowly stepped onto a bench and cracked it open. He jumped out first, and made a thud onto the ground. Marshall helped give Willow a boost to jump her oot of the window. Then he went out. I was last but I had a hard time reaching for the window. Then Barney reached his arm up to help me. "I'll help pull you down" he yelled. I reached my arm to holdhis hand and he had begun to pull me down. Just when I was beginning to reach outside, something tugged at my leg. It was farmer Ted.I shifted my head to look back to him. "AN jus where do you think your going M'lady?"**

**Then he took his magic pitchfork and zapped the window shut, away from my friends. **

**End of chapter.**

**AN: Soooo guys I hope you arent mad at me for ending on that cliffhanger, but I really had to. BTW, who think hillbilly Ted is sexy?!**

"No one." the gang responded simultaneously.

"Why don't we check out the reviews on this garbage?" Robin suggested.

"Yeah, why not figure out what kind of idiots actually enjoy this?" Lily agreed.

Robin tapped onto the button that said reviews and the page was filled with reviews from readers.

**RotInHellTedMosby**: **I think Ted should die in a nuclear blast.**

"That's... nice." Ted muttered.

**RobinxBarneyaremyOTP: Oh MY GOD, I can't believe Robin and Barney are engaged. **

Robin raised her eyebrows. "Firstly, what is OTP and how are we engaged in the... story?

"To answer your second question, I'm guessing the reviews are for later chapters that we haven't read yet." Marshall guessed.

"What about OTP?" Lily asked.

"Maybe it's referring to my 'Outstandingly Thick Peni-

"Barney!" Robin quickly cut him off.

"So, are we picking a new story?" Marshall questioned.

"I think it's time, but maybe we could go back to this once and a while." Robin responded.

"Good, now he volunteers to read?" Marshall brought up the question everyone dreaded.

"Lily has barely read!" Ted accused.

All eyes were on her. She finally gave in. "Ugh, fine."

She sat herself next to the laptop, praying for a good story.

* * *

I decided that was enough with the AU and vampires, of course I'll have them go back to this every once and a while, the plot with hillbilly Ted is just SO intriguing. Anyways, make sure to leave your suggestions for stories in the reviews. :)


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